How I miss my blog so much... I did not count any days which has passed since the last time I updated this blog. I have been very busy the past few months and all things seems come together at the same time. I have one surprise for you, I'm a corporate worker again, finally, at last. I'm not a teacher again, and maybe I should curse the government for not paying attention on the welfare of the teachers in this country *devil side taking over*. I'm finally sitting in this small cubicle, doing the complicated stuffs about purchasing some materials from overseas. I'm actually not really into business, but I feel that I have to do this no matter what.
I felt the urge to gain more; in terms of income. I did not reach high enough to break free in the future, so I left what I love to do in order to find perfection. I know this is something so 'not me', but I got no choice at all. I want to be independent some day, and I want to do what I really want to do, so like it or not, here I am, working things out. I just learnt that the first years would be tough and hard, but I think I have to make it happen. I have to commit, starting from now on. Things are never easy for a bigger reward, i believe that.
Leaving an occupation as a teacher is really really one hard stuff to deal with. I've always loved teaching and to be taught. I love telling stories and sharing them with children, since their minds are still clear and they like to find out and explore something they did not see, hear, or know before . I love the times when we could play games and practise English at the same time. I love the times when we crack jokes in the class to shoo away the stiffness during the tight schedule of the lessons. I just love being a part of a school, and will always be. It's just so hard to leave what I've been so enjoyed to do.
When I had to leave the school I had been working in for a year and a half, it was heartbreaking. I could not let out any tears at all, while all the other leaving teachers seemed to cry a lot when they leave that place. Are they pretending when they leave? Or they really did feel sad when the time comes? I guess I'll never know. Never. But one thing for sure, it hurts too much even tears can not flow out of my eyes. It's just so deep that i can not even express it, the shock had just consumed me until today. I want to cry, I want to expand the loss of my soul, but it seems that my soul loves torturing myself, creating the guilt and sadness for leaving a place that I liked the most, being a teacher.
Whatever it takes, I'd spread my wings and flew, I could not go back to the originated base where I could feel that I'm in a safe haven. I've stepped out of my comfort zone, and there's no turning back in the future, no matter how I will wanted to. I just hope that I can be in a better place, and there will be something I can gain, that I can be proud of, and I can break free from this prison.
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