Confessions of A Lonely Hearted One

well, since tomorrow I'll be very2 busy. why? guess what, I'll have to work from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m. in the aftrnoon, and then I have 2 go to college again to study until around seven at night. what a pain. i hope that i can still steal some time to enjoy myself (well, i think i'll never have time indulge myself). actually, i can't think anymore anything about indulging myself. how come? everytime i try to calm my self down, i just can't help thinking abou the one i love, and i'm so wounded because of it. i hate my mother for making him leave my life and make me suffer again. my mother always force me to do anything that i don't like, evrything that takes away my happiness and freedom. i hate that, i really hate her.

i recently think, does God really care and love me? if he does, then why does He has to seperate me from him--the one i love? why i have to do everything that i don't want and gain anything that i don't really need (and desire) and have to lose the only thing that always bring happiness to me? why did He help my mother 2 torture and torment me this way, by making us seperated? by making him wanna give up on me? God does know how much i love him, from before, now, and always love him, until the end of time. i thought that believing God does love me is almost as impossible as believing that my mother actually love me and think about my goodness (the fact is, my mother cares more about money than my happiness). just imagine, what mother can possibly like to hurt her daughter's feelings by saying bad, insulting, and rude words everytime you meet her and clearly shows that she actually doesn't care about what you hate and feel sad abou. my mother doesn't understand anything about my feelings. she forces me to leave everything that i like and do everything that she wants that are tortures 4 my feelings. i don't how long i can get hold without the one that i love. i need him desperately rite now. i don't know how long i can bear this pain and continue living as my mother's doll... i really suffer a lot.

i hope that God will hear my prayer and grant my wish--to bring him back to my side, along with his whole love, i really need them to be strong, to face and overcome anything that may come in my way of life. he... he's my reason to live and my goal of life, my reason to survive, he's my happiness, my sanctuary, he's my motivation to challenge anything called obstacles in my life. without him i'm nothing, nothing at all... i hope God will give me one more chance to feel true happiness until the end of my life, happiness for always being loved and needed by him, the man that i love the most. i don't want again 2 cry every night before i fall sleep, it's so painful, so depressing, and so suffocating, very night I feel like i'm dying, and always wake up to face the bitter fact, that i'm alone again, with no one to share my stories, pain or sadness in facing this cruel life of being controlled by my mother...

anyone who read this blog, please, i beg your support. i beg 4 ur prayers, please, help me with prayers. help me... i need him desperately. he's the one 4 me, now and forever...

please add a comment as ur sign of support. thank u so much 4 reading my blog, i'm so honored if u want 2 lend ur hand 2 me...

love to live and live to love